


penmanship is the best way to someone's heart (plus some sending spells)

by faeriefirey



Series: i fell in love with my friend (and i don't know how to tell them) [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crushes, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Letters, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Pen Pals, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Synesthesia, The Best Possible Timeline In Which Jester and Calianna Kiss, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-12 03:43:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19123888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faeriefirey/pseuds/faeriefirey
Summary: Calianna had sent Jester a package, but after waiting a few weeks, she had no word back from the tiefling. Sitting down one night to write a follow-up one, Calianna gets a surprise.A surprise that leads to something delightfully more.





	1. letters

**Author's Note:**

  * For [an awesome friend of mine](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=an+awesome+friend+of+mine).



“Shit!” Calianna cursed, sucking on her finger while she glared at the offending candle that burnt it when she lit it. She still wasn't as adept with her fire as she'd like to be, but as she sat in the dingy inn room she'd been able to rent with the last of her money, she didn't have the space to practice. After a day’s worth of tough travel, she was finally sitting down to rest and pen another letter to Jester and the rest of the Mighty Nein. She hadn't gotten a reply yet from her first one, and while they obviously were traveling, sending another one couldn't hurt. 

She had her paper out on the desk in front of her, but her pen was in her satchel. Satchel, satchel, which pocket was it in again? Was it-

_Calianna!_

She let out a little shriek of surprise, toppling herself and the chair backwards onto the floor. With a quick glance, there was no one in her room she could see. But that voice, wasn't it.. She wasn't in here, how could she be speaking to her? Maybe the air in here was getting to her brain.

_Caliannaaa? Oh, I hope you're hearing this, it's my first time casting this for you, it's Jester! I wanted to see how you're doing-_

Jester’s voice cut off at that point, and Cali was stunned. She scrambled up from the floor, dusting herself off. 

“Jester?” She said uncertainly into the air around her. The air around her, she could sense, was full of magic. Of Jester’s magic, she noted, the feeling she could only describe as pink buzzing around her. As she spoke, she could taste a faint burnt sugar taste on her tongue. She couldn’t help but feel a little self-conscious. Half-dressed and tired and out of spell slots, here she was talking to one of the most incredulous people she’d ever met in her entire life through magic she didn’t know she had. Scared she was on a time limit, she spoke quickly, stumbling over her words.

“I’m doing well, I was writing another letter to you just now. I-I miss you all, Ms. Jester, how..” she faltered a little. “What spell is this? I-”

And with that, the warm comfort of the cleric’s magic was sucked out of the room, like Calianna had stepped into a different dimension. She felt cold now, and with a few steps she collapsed backwards onto the bed. She couldn’t help but feel even more alone now, as nice as a message from Jester had been. It had been gone so fast. Too fast, if she was honest. At least she knew they were alive, or that Jester was alive at least. She had had a feeling they were okay, but she couldn’t be too sure sometimes. She’s been wrong before. With a sigh, she sat up in her bed and ran a hand through her hair. Maybe she didn’t have to write that letter after all. She could go find something to eat. Was there somewhere cheap she could-

_I oooonly have this spell left, but-_

Calianna’s eyes shot open.

_I-I’m glad you’re okay! It’s called Sending, the Traveler taught me! I miss you too, Cali, we- ___

__And she was cut off again, but the sudden feeling of her toasty, encompassing magic again made Calianna bolt back up from the bed. She almost tripped over the overturned chair, too, but her tail wrapped onto the bed post before she could fall on the ground. She was smart enough to gather that when she replied, the spell would go away again, and it was tempting to just not reply so the magic didn’t go away. But it was only a small gut feeling, and she pushed it away in favor of replying._ _

__“Right now I’m in an inn in Hupperdook, I’m getting closer to my goal. Send me a letter, Jester, the Iron Road Inn, I miss-”_ _

__There it went again. This time, however, Calianna sunk back onto the bed with a hopeful grin on her face. Her chest felt warm and full, and while the spell had faded she didn’t feel as tired as before. There was a chance Jester would send her something, so she would have to sleep so she could find a way to stay here in the inn longer. She had to, after all, for the letter. Plus, she would be in this town for a while anyways, so there’d be no harm. Right?_ _

__Well, Jester’s letter had come only three days after the Sending message, and oh was it thick. Calianna would’ve said it was more of a package. When the very scruffy dwarf woman who ran the desk of the inn yelled her name during breakfast, she thought she would have to skip town right then and there. Thankfully, when she saw the letter clutched in her hands, Calianna ran as fast as she could to the desk to grab it. She thanked the confused woman profusely, holding onto the letter tightly before dashing out of the dining hall and towards her room. Despite her plans to investigate the stronghold she had tracked down in the town, she spent the rest of her day pouring over the letter, reading pages and pages of Jester’s lovely scrawling words that spelled out the Mighty Nein’s adventures and everything she could fit on the page. There were some sections she had messily scribbled out too, and Calianna spent a good amount of time trying to read them. She was only successful sometimes, but when she was, the points where Jester had gotten wildly off topic and tried to hide the proof made her grin grow wider. Once she had memorized every line and crease in the papers, and once she had tied the wonderful teal ribbon that was sent along with it into her hair, Calianna sprung up from her bed and to the desk to finish her letter. If she was fast, she could catch them before they left town, and Jester could send her a letter again._ _

__Her face was starting to hurt, but she couldn’t help but grin again._ _

__She liked having a pen pal._ _


	2. gifts

Jester’s latest letter had her roaring with laughter, honestly, as Jester vividly described how their latest escapade had gone. This time, she had gotten Nott to help her crash a fucking temple, and dress up the deity’s statue as a rainbow adorned dragon with a farmer hat slung on its head. The two of them had barely gotten out with their lives apparently, and it took up most of Jester’s letter space. 

The hat had belonged to their newest friend, a Mr. Caduceus Clay, a firbolg with bright pink hair and a very nice personality. Jester had included a very nice portrait of him in a past letter, and while it broke Calianna’s heart to have learned of Mollymauk’s fate it hurt her even more to see the blotches of spilled ink and dried tear stains on the paper that Jester had written it on. Jester’s silence during that period of time had made Calianna extremely worried, especially when there had been no word with the Sending spell from the cleric. She didn’t use it a lot, only when Jester wanted to tell her what inn to send her next letter to or during a night when Jester felt ‘very lonely, even with Beau there’, as she would say quietly through the spell to Cali. But one night finally, she had heard her, and the tiredness in her friend’s voice made her heart ache. The fact that she was alive, however, made her heart sing.

Jester sounded even better now, though, through her letters and through Sending. It had been a while since that miserable period, and although Calianna wasn’t finished with her mission she was getting closer and closer. Closer to taking down the Cult of the Caustic Heart, and closer to seeing Jester again. Well, seeing the Mighty Nein again, not just Jester.

Today, she had found a lovely market in the town she was passing through, and took an hour to sift through the different stalls of clothes, foods, sweets, and trinkets. She had built up quite the collection of coin, taking on odd jobs and saving her gold whenever she could. It had been a little tiring to choose the cheapest inns, or the bread and cheese people sold for coppers at the edge of towns, but it was worth it to her. She’d found a nice box to put all of Jester’s letters in at the market, but as she explored, she had gotten an idea.

Since the Nein were more stationary at the moment, she had made a decision to splurge (but not splurge too much) on gifts for them. From what Jester told her about everyone, and from the letters she rarely got from the others that were tucked in along with Jester’s usual book-length letters, she had a good idea of what they all liked.

For Nott, she made it a point to find the shiniest thing in the market for her. A lot of the things were gaudy, really, but eventually she had settled on a bright moonstone button that she found in a basket of odd things. It must’ve been from some rich person’s clothes, she reasoned as she bought it from the vendor.

There was quite a few book stalls around the market, so finding a gift for Caleb had been easy. She found a history tome and a book on the peculiar nature of how teleportation spells worked. Thankfully, the owner had been very nice, and she’d gotten the two of them for cheaper than she expected. She’d hoped he would like them.

Mr. Fjord, she remembered, was a sea man. A captain, Jester had so eloquently described in her letter. There wasn’t a lot of sea things there, it was a landlocked city. She also knew he was a very practical man too, so little gifts or trinkets wouldn’t do. Instead, she gets a whetstone, for his very cool and very scary sword.

Beau was like Fjord. She wasn’t really glamorous, and she didn’t keep a lot of things like Nott or Caleb or Jester. But one of the things Calianna had always remembered about the brash monk was the beads of jade she kept on her wrists. She had always thought the color was nice, so she looked out for anything green that would catch her eye. Luckily, she saw a bead of shaped jade strung on a very tightly woven leather bracelet that was being sold by a very enthusiastic little halfling girl in one of the stalls. Ten copper, the girl had told her, but Cali flipped her a silver anyway.

Yasha, as Jester had told her, was been a fan of flowers apparently. From what Calianna remembered of the intimidating barbarian and from the letters Jester sent, there was a lot more to her than people usually realized. Which was really cool, in her opinion, but made finding her a gift a little harder to do. Eventually, she went the simple route and bought a bundle of already dried flowers off of a herbalist’s booth and put them inside of a little book she’d gotten for a couple of copper. The flowers looked like nothing Calianna had ever seen before, and she hoped that Yasha would appreciate them too. She felt a little bad about not finding anything better to send the person who helped her destroy the first artifact she had hunted down, but Yasha didn't seem like the type of person to carry a lot of things, just like Beau and Fjord.

Caduceus, she didn’t really know too well of course. He liked tea, that was for sure, so she bought blends of herbs and plants to send him for his teas from the same herbalist booth. Hopefully he would like them, and she could make a good first impression for when she got to meet him for real. (It would’ve been too easy to find a gift for Mollymauk; the stalls had exuberant flowing clothes and gorgeous pieces of jewelry. However, she turned away from all of them, and instead brought a golden coil with small gems imbedded in it, big enough to fit on her own horn. She thinks he would probably want her to start feeling a little better in her skin, at least she hopes he would.)

Jester should’ve been the easiest, of course. There were sweets and candies around, with nice jewelry and even cute dresses that were being sold and bartered for, even some books in the stalls she would enjoy. She would’ve bought it all for her. But none of it felt right. She should get something more.. Well, less impersonal for her. This would be the first physical gift she would be giving Jester, so it had to be special.

Soon enough, she had found something. It had been at the bottom of a box, that the man who owned the stall was alright with her rummaging through since he didn’t know what was even in it. Inside, Calianna had pulled out a small wooden box, inlaid with wonderful delicate carvings of birds and flowers and what seemed to be trees. She opened it, and a sweet melody began to play, mechanical gears working gently at the bottom that glowed with a soft magical aura that took squinting for her to see clearly. When she looked back up at the owner, he nodded.

“That there’s a little musical box that’s got a few different tunes and, if I remember correctly, the ability to have a little message for whoever opens it. Just, er, press that button right there to record it and it’ll last until it’s pressed again.” He told her, waddling over to point at the buttons and show her. Cali looked down at it, and clutched it closer to herself. It was perfect. Handing him several pieces of gold, which she got a wide-eyed stare for and a stutter of gratitude, she ran off yet again with her bag full of things for the Mighty Nein.

Later that day, she gathered everything in a hefty package. The message had been recorded (it took her a long time to settle on what to say), and an accompanying letter had been written. It was probably the most secure package in the world, Calianna having enchanted the fuck out of it the best she could. Mumbling a silent little prayer, she sent it off with the mail carrier and walked back to her inn room, with her coin purse considerably lighter and her heart thumping excitedly in her chest.


	3. spells

“Maybe it goes like… one, two, three, there.” Calianna had her eyes squeezed shut, hands extended out in front of her as she felt the familiar rush of energy coalesce in her veins. Small sparks shot from her claws/fingertips, and as Calianna pictured her cleric friend as vividly as she could in her head, nothing happened. With a frustrated growl, she slammed her fist into the ground hard, the mud beneath flying into different directions.

Today had gone very, very wrong. Yes, she had successfully destroyed another one of the items the organization had been hunting down; it had been an elaborate knife, inlaid with blood red rubies on its fancy hilt. A Dispel Magic spell and a little more later, a snap of the blade was enough to take the object out of commission for good, but when she had stabbed it into the stone walls of the stronghold to break it, a few of the hired muscle was alerted to her presence.

It had taken almost all of her spell slots to get out of there alive, and when she had been sneaking back to the inn she was staying at, Calianna planned on sleeping before skipping town as soon as possible. However, one of the help had managed to track her all the way to her room, so with men trying to break down the door she slipped out of the window with all of her things haphazardly shoved into her bag. Fortunately, she got out of the room okay. Unfortunately, it was a three story drop and she had landed wrong when hitting the ground.

A couple of hours later, with a broken (or sprained, or maybe it was her muscle, but all she knew was it really hurt) ankle and barely any spells left, Calianna had been huddling underneath a tree. She didn't know what she was doing then. Those thugs were probably still looking for her, and she couldn't go far from the town because of her leg. Every sound and every movement of the trees had sent her back and closer to the tree she was at. It was so fucking cold too, she was so tired and her leg was throbbing and she didn't know what to do. She knew that with a flick of her fingers she could have fire but what if the men found her again? There would be no one to come for her, or help her escape. She was alone here, out of the reach of anyone who cared at all. 

Despite her soaked clothes, the rain harshly falling against the ground, and the soft ground beneath her, Cali’s mind was being drawn back towards her old room. The wooden walls and the smell of musty old books came rushing back. It made her shiver again, and Calianna could feel a sob clawing its way up her throat.

She'd wanted to go _home_ , but she didn't even know where home was anymore. It wasn't with them, it wasn't the murder and the distrust and the crushing weight of what Seris had expected from her, and what Seris had gotten her to do. Books said home was supposed to be warmth, it was supposed to be safety, it was supposed to be honesty and love and pink and home was _Jester_. It was Jester.

And so, after that, she had been spending the last hour trying her hardest to cast the spell Jester used to speak to her. She had told Calianna how she thought it worked, and how the Traveler had taught it to her exactly. Caleb had relayed some ideas to her too, through the letters. She had tried the spell many times before but had given up when it fizzled out. But she was stubborn today, here in this scary forest with the freezing rain and the noises and the fear she might be found and be alone again.

Calianna gingerly brushed the mud off of her hand from when she punched the ground, drawing her knees to her chest. There was smudges of dirt on her face, she could feel the grit when she wiped at her eyes with her sleeve. Tears continued to fall, though, and she hiccuped and sobbed as she raised her arms one last time to try again.

“Please,” she said hoarsely. “Please let this work, I just… I want to, just please…”

Calianna didn't know who she was speaking to, but instead of ruminating over that she shut her eyes closed tightly and tried to cast the spell again. Keeping Jester’s image in her head, she could feel a sturdier and almost godly magic slip to join hers, the minty sensation of the foreign magic making a cacophony of greenish colors spark at her fingertips. Someone was helping her, and she only had the slightest idea who it could be. 

The magic ran up her hands to her arms and up to her neck, a sweet feeling enveloping her vocal chords and her tongue. She couldn't help but laugh incredulously, and she quickly sat up from her miserable little ball on the ground.

“Jester?” Her weak and warbling voice rang out in the empty clearing, but she didn't care if she was being too loud because she was talking to _Jester_. “I figured out the spell, I did it! Please answer, how are you and what are you doing? I miss you, please, Jester, I-”

And after that, the feeling on her tongue faded slightly, but still remained. The spell had sent her message, and now she just had to wait. Waiting was excruciating.

The few seconds she had to wait were nerve wracking, but she got her answer.

_Cali? Cali, you did it, that's amazing! Are you okay, you don't *sound* okay! What happened? Are you safe? You sound so scared, Cali, I-_

The rest of Jester’s message was cut off, but the twenty five words were for Calianna to sob in relief, collapsing back against the tree. Her magic had been so close to depleting completely, and whatever was helping her had lent her extra in order to help kickstart the spell. Praying quickly in thanks to whatever (or whoever) had helped her in her head, she took a few seconds before choosing her next words. The spell was still coating her tongue, which meant she had some juice left for another Sending.

“I destroyed another item, but I was chased and I hurt my ankle. I'm safe, I just…” she faltered, swiping her tongue over her lips. “.. felt alone and you make me feel better.”

Calianna’s voice had turned soft and quiet as she spoke, and as she finished she could feel her face heating up. The spell finally faded, and she began to chastise herself. 

“Oh, I shouldn't have said that,” she mumbled. “That was so stupid, it was too much, I shouldn't have-”

_Oh, Cali.._

Jester’s voice was soft, and made Calianna’s heart stutter.

_Beau says to make a splint if it's broken, roll your ankle to check if it is. I.._

Then Jester paused, and Calianna waited with her hackles raised.

_I love you, Cali!_

Jester’s rushed, final words knocked the air out of her, and her hands moved to her chest to clutch at the fabric of her shirt. She felt utterly drained, sapped of everything with only ebbs of magic left, and her ankle really fucking hurt.

But Calianna felt warm.

Very, very warm.


	4. reunions

Calianna’s reunion with the Mighty Nein had been as rambunctious as she had imagined it would be. 

It had taken her some time, but her progress with her missions had eventually brought her closer and closer to them and she decided to take some time off. She was so close, and it would only take a few more weeks of steady infiltration to finish it for good.

Plus, she wanted to see them again.

Wel, she wanted to see _Jester_ again. 

It took Calianna a few weeks of traveling and hitching rides on passing wagons to reach the town that the Nein had hunkered down in for the time being. When she finally reached the inn that she had told Calianna of in her latest letter, the young woman stopped in her tracks, which disgruntled some of the people passing behind her. She stared at the door, chewing on her lip. She knew that the longer she delayed it, the harder it would be to work up the courage to go in, but as soon as she had gotten close the pit in her stomach started twisting and her hands started shaking. She took a shuddering breath and willed herself forward, taking a few steps to the swiveling tavern door.

Luckily enough, she could hear the commotion inside, and when a human man came flying out of the door she quickly sidestepped him. The airborne drunkard crashed into a pile of barrels in the square outside. Stunned, Calianna stepped forward again to look inside and find the cause of the living cannonball that had just shot towards her face.

Standing several feet inside but facing the now open door, stood a blue tiefling with her dress sleeves shoved up, flexing and giggling along with the drunken cheers from the patrons around her. She turned, and locked eyes with Cali. Her heart jumped into her throat, and all she could do was laugh. Of course it was.

“Calliii!!!” shrieked Jester, barreling forward and wrapping Calianna in the most back breaking hug she had ever had in her life. “You're here! We were late to town and we thought we had missed you by a few days but we didn't and you're here! Beau, look!”

She grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around, and it took a few seconds for her eyes to blink and focus on the group sitting just a bit away from them at a table. Everyone was crowded around it, with tankard of drinks in their hands save for who Calianna assumed was Mr. Caduceus, who was holding a teacup.

With a few more seconds of stunned silence, Calianna laughed incredulously. “Hi! It's nice to see everyone again.” she said quickly, grinning.

The next several minutes were full of greeting and catching up with everyone, Calianna sharing stories with Fjord and talking in low registers with Caleb about some questions she had for him and that he had for her. Caduceus was nice too; he was as calm and sweet as Jester had described him as. Thankfully, Calianna was aware this time that Nott and Fjord were in no way related, so the alcohol in Nott’s flask didn't surprise her when she offered her a swig. Everyone was moderately tipsy, save for Jester, Caduceus, and Calianna of course, which made it even more chaotic than Calianna assumed it usually was. Beau was nice too, giving Calianna a fist bump and chatting with her occasionally as the night went on. Yasha didn't talk much either, but seemed more warmer than the last time they'd seen each other. She thanked Calianna for the flowers she had sent, and Calianna had given her another hug. It was a lot less awkward this time too.

The entire night, Jester didn't leave her side since she had seen her earlier. She kept her arms interlocked with Cali’s, and whenever she managed to talk and chat with another of the group Jester would whisk her away eventually to something else. It was a whirlwind for her, especially since she wasn't as used to a lot of socializing from her time on the road, but it wasn't a burden at all. She had missed everyone, but she had missed Jester the most.

Calianna found herself unable to keep her eyes off of the tiefling too, watching her dance and slide into conversation after conversation like the usual butterfly she was. It was like she had been in a drought for a few long months, and since she had reached her oasis she couldn't stop drinking in the sight of Jester. Her hands were cool to the touch, which Calianna knew was uncommon for a tiefling, and felt jarring whenever their fingers brushed together or when Jester slipped her fingers in between Cali’s. It was a welcome kind of cool, though, and she felt like her chest was going to ooze the soft pink feeling of warmth that had been building up the entire night.

Jester looked gorgeous, she would catch herself thinking. She could see the way Jester’s hair curled around her horns and her ears when she stared for just a second, and would get a little too lost in her eyes whenever hers meet them. She didn't chastise herself for it though; how could someone not fall in love with the woman next to her? 

Besides, Calianna wasn't stupid. She knew what her feelings usually were. She prided herself on that at least, knowing when she was exhausted and knowing when something made her so happy her heart could barely keep from exploding. She was content with her feelings, and she didn't expect Jester to feel the same. Did she catch herself thinking about it, and about her? Yes, but the only thing worse than knowing that she could never be with Jester in that way was the possibility of losing the greatest friend she would ever have.

If Jester was happy, then Cali was happy. And if the smile on Jester’s face proved anything to her, it was that she had a reason to be very happy.

(But what Calianna failed to notice that night, and the many nights she and Jester had been apart, were the knowing looks between Nott and Beau and Yasha. What she failed to see was the evidence right in front of her, like how Jester held on tighter to her hand than she ever would if it was Nott. What she failed to see was the look in Jester’s eyes of complete and utter love whenever she turned to talk to someone else. What Calianna failed to see was how her best friend in the whole wide world was in love with her too.)


	5. confessions

The two of them had been laying there for close to an hour now. The inn room was quiet; it was dark outside of the window, with stars peeking in and out periodically through the navy curtains of the night sky. They hadn't lit any candles either, so the moon outside was the only thing lighting up the interior of the room. Jester’s fingers were carefully carding through Calianna’s loose hair. Her head was placed in her lap as they both rested on the side of the bed that faced the open window.

“Cali?” Jester said softly, her accent twisting the word into a sweet swirl of a familiar sound with a unique edge. A little spark of warmth would flit through her whenever the blue tiefling said her name, but she kept that to herself. With some effort, she opened an eye to peer up at her.

Jester’s face was still tilted up, so she started to look over the gentle lines of her face and her throat. She could only barely make out the freckles that formed a heavy smattering of what Calianna liked to call ‘dark blue paint specks’, which helped make up the work of art that was Jester Lavorre.

Her short messy bob of hair was pulled away from her face too, by a ribbon Calianna jumped to lend her before she could pull one out herself. To her surprise (and delight), she accepted it with a happy little giggle, and right then Calianna decided Jester should wear a lot more lime green in the future.

“Hm?” Calianna hummed eventually. She had found herself not only spacing out but unable to say much more than that, which she blamed on the relaxing buzz that shivered through her with every caress and skritch from Jester’s hand. From below her, and as she looked up to watch her, she could just barely see Jester gnawing on her bottom lip before she started to speak again.

“Do you…” her voice cracked a bit on the last vowel, and she quickly cleared her throat to cover it up. Calianna noticed though, and she smiled. 

“Do you ever think about loooove, and all that stuff?” She asked, with her fingers still running through Cali’s hair. She hummed again in response, moving her gaze to the ceiling above them. She didn't expect the question, but she wasn't surprised by it. It was a very ‘Jester’ question to ask. Her eyes moved back to her face.

“Well.” She murmured, the low words pulling Jester’s eyes down to meet hers. Calianna could only hold the gaze for a few seconds before shifting her eyes away again to Jester’s nose, her cheeks feeling a little warm. “I think about it sometimes. It doesn't come up a lot, really, since what I've been doing isn't what I could say is very touchy feely. But I do. Think about it, I-I think about it.”

She could see a small smile twitch onto her friend’s face, and one matching her’s starts forming on her own.

“But how much do you think about it? Like the details and all that. I think about it a lot because it’s in all of my favorite type of books. You know, like _Tusk Love_ and-and the other books I wrote you about, yeah? Do you remember those?” She patted Calianna’s head, and she nodded. Of course she remembered. “Anyways, if you remember that then you should remember everything else, right? I used to say Fjord was Oskar, from _Tusk Love_ , because Fjord was really charming and really nice. Sorry, not _was_ , he _is_! He is very handsome and very sweet. He helps me during out fights, he's always making sure I'm okay even after the fights, and he looks very nice. Did you know he got a haircut? I did it for him, I'm very good with a razor.”

Calianna hummed again. “You're rambling, Jester.”

Immediately she clammed up, and the quarter-draconic girl laying in her lap couldn't help but grin at the deep color that she could see crawling up the tiefling’s face. Reaching up, Calianna laid her fingers against her cheek and patted it lightly. “I didn't mean that in a mean way, it's okay. Just stop deflecting, what is it? You asked about love, right?”

Jester nodded, her glowing eyes shifting to look away from Cali’s as she slowly raised her free hand to press hers closer against her cheek. “Yeah. I did.”

Calianna looked away too, but didn't dare to move. Her stomach felt like it had been manhandled; it was like a squirming knot of worms that had just appeared in her lower torso. The cool feeling of Jester’s cheek under her palm felt incredibly soothing but all the more nerve wracking, and she rubbed her thumb over the ridge of Jester’s cheekbone.

“What about it, then? What about love did you want to ask me?”

She watched Jester closely while she spoke. The tiefling’s face contorted for a second, and Calianna couldn't help but smile again. She moved to sit up, as much as she didn't want to pull away from Jester’s lap and hands. Moving so she was kneeling on the bed and next to her friend, she took Jester’s hands in hers.

“Well. I mean. Y’know I'm pretty smart about everything, right?” Cali nodded, and stayed quiet. Jester continued. “And usually I know about things really quickly. But like, it took me a reeeallly long time to realize that me liking Fjord was me liking Fjord because he was like Oskar, and not just because he was Fjord at all. Fjord is still really nice, but I don't think I was in loovvee with him.” she paused again. “But-but then I was like, well, who do I like? If I don't like Fjord and I don't really like dudes all that much because Fjord was the only dude I ever liked and because dudes were never all that appealing to me ever, then what's up? And then I thought really hard, because Beau and Yasha really like girls which means girls can like girls, right? And I talked to them both and I thought about it even more and then I realized that-”

Jester took a second to breathe, and Calianna realized she was holding onto her hand and her claws tightly to keep them from shaking. She sat and waited.

(If she was going to say what she thought she was going to say, Calianna wanted to hear every second of it.)

“Then I realized,” Jester continued slowly, the nerves in her voice audible as she picked her words carefully. “that the way I thought I was feeling towards Fjord was how I felt about,” she looked back up into Calianna’s eyes. Neither could look away.

“It was the way I felt about girls. Because girls are really pretty, and strong, and I can't stop looking at them sometimes. And I could count on ten hands how many times I've had crushes on some girls. 

“And then there was this one girl. She was strong, she was beautiful, she had really good fashion taste and her handwriting twirled the tails of her y’s into a little spiral. She has really long and nice black hair, and.. and she wears ribbons in it. And she gave me one of those ribbons too.” Jester’s thumbs ran along the ridges on Calianna’s fingers and scales. “It took me a while, but I realized that I loved her. And it wasn't like _Tusk Love_ , not like any of the books I’ve ever read, because it was different and it was special. And I-”

Jester was cut off by Calianna’s lips pressing against hers, catching her off guard. Quickly, Calianna pulled back, colors of a deep blush on her face faintly visible in the moonlight. Her forehead still pressed against hers, the two sat there in complete silence, breathing unevenly.

After a few moments, she felt Jester’s soft, slightly calloused hands trace the lines of her jaw, sending a jolt down her spine. Her fingers intertwined behind her neck, and she met Jester’s eyes one more time as she pulled her in again for a longer kiss. She held her there for longer before pulling away again with a big smile, her lavender eyes peering up at her from under her eyelids.

“I don't think I got to say this before, Jester, that one night when I talked to you.” Calianna murmured, unable to raise her voice higher than a soft tone. She didn't want to interrupt this moment. “But I love you.”

Jester’s eyes flutter closed again, and she pulls Calianna back in. And then back in again, peppering little kisses over the corners of her mouth and across her cheeks and her scales. Calianna can't help but giggle, her hand holding carefully onto Jester’s wrist.

“I know it’s really selfish of me, but do you.. do you really need to leave?” Jester mumbled. Calianna pressed her forehead to hers again. “We can help you with your mission, we can help you finish it and then you can come with us.”

“I do, but I'll come back. And I won't be gone for long. I'm really close, Jester. It wouldn't be fair of me to ask that of you all, and it's something I want to do on my own. But I'm here right now, and I don't know about you but I think I want to be right here with you for a bit.”

“That sounds good.” She pauses. “Cali?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

Calianna smiles, the warm pink feeling that only Jester could ever make her feel in her chest pouring into her limbs and her heart. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is a friend's birthday, and so I took a full week to write the longest thing I've think I've ever written in my life for them! 
> 
> Anyways, this is my second-but-technically-first Critical Role fanwork, so constructive criticism is *very* welcome!! I'm thinking about doing a Side B focusing on Jester going through all of this, too, and on writing more things from Calianna's perspective with other characters. I struggled with posting this in a single chapter with line breaks or posting it like this, but I think this flows better. It makes it a little easier to read, too!
> 
> Happy birthday to my friend, and I hope this was a fun read!!
> 
> Please leave feedback in the comments if you liked this eeeeven a little, it helps me get more motivated to write things like this. Have a good day/night!!


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